Life's Getting Bleeker....

                                 Headband strapped on, cup in place, time for a speed rant....

• We need to bring back merit badges like in boy scouts. Men are really just oversized teenagers anyway. Why not reward us in the same fashion. Kicked a Dutch oven out the bottom of the sheets? Merit badge. Took the time to shave off that unsightly ass hair? Merit badge. Suffer through a terrible romantic comedy without expecting to get laid after....actually fuck the merit badge. If I just spent 2 hours watching Jennifer Lopez work through her lady issues I better be getting something out of it.
• Dear guy who invented faux testicles that hang off the back of trucks….go kill yourself. Nothing screams “I am an illiterate douchecanoe” more than seeing those things hanging off the back of some guys 87 Bronco. You really want to score more tail? Buy a Tempur-Pedic. 
• This is for all you hipsters out there, male or female. What are you trying to prove? So you spent seventy five dollars on a polo that is two dollars at Goodwill because it is retro. That doesn’t make you cool. That makes you a fucking idiot. And guys, skinny jeans? Really? When it comes down to it a woman wants a man that will wear the pants in the relationship, not her pants.
• The world is going to end within the next 50 years. How do I know? I commute to work everyday. The level of douchebaggery that is represented on the roadways everyday is appalling. I truly believe you can judge the character of a person on how they act when they drive. Hey guy who shoots up the turn lane and cuts in front at the light, fuck you. Same to you lady who almost killed me today because she was too busy talking on the phone to notice the stop sign. AND WHEN DID NOT USING YOUR TURN SIGNAL BECOME OK?!?! How hard is it to hit that thing?!?! I mean God damn it!