Ahh, it feels good to be back behind a computer writing again. I apologize to all three of my readers for the huge break between my last entry and now. With school starting back up a few months ago it was hard to find time to just sit down and let my brain vomit. Due to a fantastic scheduling fuck up though, I have a break until June, so here I am back and ready to go.
My last entry was not the most positive. If you couldn’t tell I was definitely in a dark place. Not the best time to be posting things on the internet but the blog is meant to be a place where I put my thoughts. And like every other person on the planet they are not always happy ones.
A lot has happened in the month or so since my last entry. I finished my first class at U of P a few weeks back. It was a simple intro class but it gave me a ton of confidence. I think what I took away from it the most was that I actually am capable of having success in college. The voice of self doubt has been following me for longer than I can remember, fueled with every terrible grade and half ass effort. There were many times I questioned whether I was a hard enough worker to be good at anything in my life, let alone really successful. I knew deep down I could do anything, but the confidence to follow through was seemed to always be missing when I needed it most.
Now if you haven’t read it, my last entry was about the females in my life. Boy did I get some backlash from that! I mean it was very flattering to find out I had so many readers, but DAMN. It was very obvious that many people missed the point I was trying to get across, that I was unhappy. I was unhappy with still being single, and tired of being led along by girls who had no intention of being serious with me. The funniest part about the feedback I received was that ninety percent of it was from people that were guilty of what I was talking about! Without even naming names they knew who they were. Not a huge thing but I just found it funny. Go ahead and un-friend me on Facebook, you were shitty friends anyway.
So here I am, again surrounded by tons of people, but at the same time completely alone. I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll ever meet “the one.” I’m wondering whether I’ll ever truly find my place. A friend group I can truly count on, my own family I can love and adore, my overall niche on this planet. It has to be coming soon….eventually……maybe?
Wow, that got serious quick. I promise my next entry will be lighter. Now if you’ll excuse me, Harry Potter is on and well, that is much better than anything I have to say.
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