"Never make a person a priority to whom you are an option."
~ Unknown
While browsing through twitter the other day, I came across this quote. Now normally I'm not a huge quote guy. I've always felt that if you truly had yourself together you didn't need the uplifting words of someone who has come before you. You were creating those uplifting moments yourself. Well, chalk up yet another victory for age and experience over youth and energy.
As I get older I get more reflective on all aspects of my life. Where I've been, who I've met, my friends, my family, my relationships. When I read this quote it struck a chord in me right away, and over the last few days I've been reflecting on what it means and how it has applied to my life. Now I've always considered myself a social nomad. I've never really been in a "clique," choosing rather to jump from group to group depending on the activity and the direction my life was going at the time. This has led me to create some rather unique relationships I normally never would have if I had gravitated one way or another. My birthday parties always tend to be an eclectic mix of people ranging from the meathead jock to the hipster artist. For me it's great, I'm with all of the people that are important in my life. For all of them, well let's just say it's good that group only gets together once a year.
Now what does any of this have to do with the original quote? Well even though I've always thought it was great to have such diverse friend groups, being spread that thin tends to keep those relationships from becoming as deep as I originally hoped. Many times I thought my friendships were deeper than they were, causing me to be hurt when those people did not turn out to be as committed to the friendship as I was. The same thing has happened in relationships, where a rejection from someone I truly had feelings for caused me emotional pain for much longer than it should. I'd dwell on the situation wondering what I could have done different. Wishing I could get that re-due that might have lead to a different outcome.
What I've learned as I've gotten older is that you cannot dwell on the actions of others. Everybody has their priorities and they are different with every person. When someone important enters your life (romantic or not) you make that person a priority. You find self worth in going out of your way to make them happy. Those moments are what make life as great as it is. On the flip side though, it can be crushing when you realize that person doesn't think of you as a priority in the same way. As hard as it is you must not take that personally. All it does if give that person power over you. You give them the ability to hurt you without having to do a thing.
So the next time you are rejected, (from a friend, significant other, whatever) take time to recognize the people in your life that are truly there. Think about all those times they made you a priority just as much as you've made them. Those are the people that deserve to have an impact on your life, because nobody deserves to be considered an option.
To my friends and family that make me a priority as much as I make you (if you are reading this chances are you are one of them), I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are the ones that make my life as much fun as it is. Without you I don't know where I'd be. Hopefully I'm as positively impacting your life as much as you are mine.
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